Grace, But Not My Daughter.

I was supposed to go to Bible study today.  I am so thankful that my church has started a women's Bible study that meets in the morning.  Evenings are always so crazy for us.  I have to take Vera along and there is not childcare, so I usually give her some toys, books and snacks and let her play on the floor or sit on my lap and scribble on paper.  But, today, she was M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E.  I had to call the leader and tell her there was no way I'd make it.  I just had to lay her down for a nap.  Today would not be a good day to try and sit through Bible study.  It just would not work.  

So, after I laid her down, I got out my Bible and prayed "Lord, speak to me today."   And I started reading where I had left off in 1 Samuel.  I couldn't focus.  It wasn't right.  I was reading the words, but not absorbing them.  Know what I mean?  So I got out my Bible study book.  We are doing  Becoming a Woman of Grace by Cynthia Heald.  It is really good.  And I picked up at the section I would be missing today.  

Wow.

I sort of regretted praying "...speak to me..."

It was so what I needed today.  

I sat with tears in my eyes.  

It was on giving grace.  

Forgiveness.  

Loving others.   

I have been struggling with this.  This past week or so I have been feeling really bitter about things going on in our life.  I feel like people expect a lot from us.  Not just me, but Jeff as well.  I go through the whole "Don't they realize we have four kids ... our evenings are always so busy ... our time together is precious...  they never do anything for us ... how could they schedule two meetings next month?"  Oh man.  

The first verse to really hit me was Romans 12:16  "Live in harmony with one another..."  

How good am I at that?  

I stink at that!!!  

Another;  1 Corinthians 13: 4 and 5  "Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."    I would imagine that love also doesn't keep a record of who owes me something because I did something for them...

This quote from Max Lucado was included in this week's study:

"Where the grace of God is missed, bitterness is born.  But, where the grace of God is embraced, forgiveness flourishes... Hatred will sour your outlook and break your back.  The load of bitterness is simply too heavy.  Your knees will buckle under the strain and your heart will break beneath the weight.  The mountain before you is steep enough without the heaviness of hatred on your back.  The wisest choice-the only choice-is for you to drop the anger.  You will never be called upon to give anyone more grace than God has already given you."

Yea, I'm a little bitter.

After finishing up this chapter I prayed for forgiveness.  I prayed that my attitude would be changed.  I prayed that I would be able to show the same grace to others that God shows to me on a daily basis.  I prayed that I would love others without expecting something in return.  

Now I have others whose forgiveness I need to seek.  

{Deep breath}